One day you are in, the next day you are out

One day you are in, the next day you are out....

I loved watching Project Runway on TV when it was a hit reality show quite a few years ago and those where the last words that the departing aspiring fashion designer would hear from the chief judge on their last day of the show.  They would pack up their tables and all their tools and leave.... often visibly broken and in tears.  And watching them leave, I so often thought how harsh those words are.  This might have been reality TV but those contestants are real people, all talented designers otherwise they would not have been chosen.  They believed in themselves, designed their hearts out show after show - and honestly some had jaw-dropping creations.  But there were rules and all knew it and at each show, one or even two on some occasions were told to leave.

But that was reality TV..... Yet that happens too in our everyday lives.

One day you are in - in friendships, relationships, marriages, workplaces - and the next day you are out.  Gone.....

And that is how it was for me on the 15 March 2019.  I work up, like normal, went to work, like normal, worked at my desk on jobs, just like normal.  I was in.  Then at 3 pm that day, it all ended.  I was called into a meeting and handed a folder white letter, informed that my role was being made redundant and I could leave early that afternoon with the rest of my employment time off.  I was out.

First redundancy ever, in 38 years of working and first time.  I guess I am lucky to have escaped the redundancy process in all this time as I have certainly witnessed a few in my time.  But one never thinks it is going to happen to you .... do you?

I left with a range of emotions, hurt, disappointment, anger - just a complete whirlpool of emotions.  My first week was spent still processing all these emotions while I dealt with the required meetings and negotiations for settlement.

Now all that is out of the way and 3 weeks have since passed.  I still feel angry at times that my loyalty and hard work over the past year was all for naught, but all that is slowly passing over.

Now it is time for reassessing my life, our lives and looking towards the future ... whatever it may bring.

Priorities!

So following on from my previous post, this is my chosen word for 2019.  Already 27 days into the the new year, I have had to forcefully put this word constantly in front of me - to constantly remind myself what I want from life this year, how I want to live my live this year and how I will successfully end this year.

Priority:  a thing that is regarded as more important than others;  the fact or condition of that being regarded or treated as more important than others.

Let's add in another word:  MY PRIORITIES.

Simple, straightforward.  This is how I intend to live my life in 2019.

Not a good blogger am I .....

Oh dear, I jump onto my blog to kickstart it all again and sadly I posted only 3 posts for the whole of last year (in January monthly only) ...... so sad to think how life got in the way of everything last year.

So I shall memorise this senenance and make it my mantra for 2019.

The Busyness of Life

I saw this catchy quote recently.  And it got me thinking.

We are only 15 days into the 2018 and already I feel like the busyness and dailyness of life all around me is crushing me.  Just over 10 days ago I was on leave, resting and relaxing and already it feels like a distant memory.  And busyness is consuming me and already threatening to invade my space and mess up everything I want out life.

So I got to thinking today ..... whilst I won't be able to free myself fully from life's demands - after all I have to work, have to do everything the best I can, give the best service to my clients at work and be a wife to my husband, run a happy and organised home and also be kind to myself ..... all in a day 24/7 ..... wow that does sound super busy in just jotting down these thoughts - I still need a sense of balance.  I need to able to shift between the 2 extremes of life's demands and life's quiet rest without spinning out of control and becoming frustrated and and overwhelmed.  And when I am overtired or worried about things, this does happen to me - too frequently and all to easily.

So I am going to really focus on taming the stressful busyness in my life this year and finding the balance that I need.  I plan to draw up some rules and goals to live my life in 2018.  I think if I focus on what I want out of life now and put in a proper structure to achieve this, this will work for me.

As I said earlier, I plan to Sparkle and allow nothing to dull or dim my sparkle.

So time for some planning and strategy ......  Let's get this on!

Leave A Little Sparkle Wherever You Go

Sparkle - my one word for 2018.

First just a little about my "My One Word" tradition.

Usually I spend that last few days of the old year reflecting on the past 12 months and also thinking about what I want out of the next 12 months.  I don't bother about long resolutions - I choose just one word for the year and this year I want to Sparkle!!

For too long now I have felt my shine and sparkle has gotten dull and dim.  Has it been such that I have been for far too long saturated with the clingy suffocating cloak of the every day rut of life,  ..... work, home and all that goes with just trying to cope with everything .... that my spirit feels trampled and stomped on;  that my soul has lost its gleam and shine and slowly getting covered with a soot of mediocracy and weariness.  Has everything in the daily grind of life exhausted me to the point of where my soul has lost its lustre and shine .....

SO - now is the time to get back on my unicorn, seek out the shining jewels of life, and begin to Sparkle!!  It is that simple.  To live the life you want can be that simple .... with a few rules.

Just take each day as it comes;  find the magic that each day brings with it;  be you as you are, this unique special person that you are;  draw on your inner beauty and spirit and zest for life and live each day in an inspired and joyous way. It does not matter if you are quirky, free spirited, individualist, graceful, remarkable, or just plain normal - just be you with your beautiful soul as a guide.

That is what I want 2018 to be for me .... and so for today, tomorrow and the rest of the year I just want to be sparkly ME.

So I will leave a little glitter and sparkle wherever I go this year.

Year 2017 - A frenetic year of imbalance? Was it really?

2018 - a brand new year ….. Wow, what happened to 2017?!  How did 365 days disappear in a flash?  I feel like I started the year in then fell asleep on a long 300 days nap and woke up in 2018 ….. Where was I all those 365 days?  Some how caught up with Life and getting through it last year.  And I had the year word of Balance set up for 2017.  Where was the Balance in all of those 365 days??

When I think about it, last year was a blur of activity and just getting through one thing and another and so caught up in all these activities that all seemed to have disappeared in a hazy blur.   What happened to my 2017 wish and life motto of Balance?  Was it ever there?

On first reflection, it seems like we just threw our life as we knew it into turmoil.  Yip, we took our life and threw it up in the air and spent the year juggling all the balls as they came down to rest on the ground.  Some were clean catches and others not …. they bounced around on the ground while we tried to catch them and sort out the order of our new life.  But hey we got through it all and came out the other end still smiling and laughing into 2018.

So 2017 review in a snapshot:

January - put our Auckland house on the market and put in the offer in our house in Kawerau
February - busied ourselves with packing up our lives in the city and unexpectedly having to deal with the first challenge of a very nasty flash flood taking out the bottom storey of our new house before occupation.
March - arrived in the Eastern Bay of Plenty - new house and new job for me - all a bit chaotic
April - muddled around trying to find our feet - still in that honeymoon phase of new and exciting taking the pressure off the challenges that started to appear
May - off to the USA to do our motorcycle pilgrimage ride for Run For the Wall. An exhausting but wonderfully cathartic trip to take our minds off things
June, July, August - horrible cold wet winter and dealing with a magnitude of maintenance issues with the new house
September to November - Spring slowly coming around and finally seeing the end of frustrating challenges of new house, new job and new life
December - Summer at last!!  And the promise of some well deserved rest over Christmas and New Year.

So yes a lot of things to deal with …. balls of life going everything, frantic activity, head-bashing, feeling a little knocked about at times and getting back up to move forward again.  Yet we managed to deal with all of this with amazing strength and resilience and still loving life through it all.  Yes, the switch of busy Auckland life to what we thought would be a slower pace, better quality of life was not quite what we envisaged but we still know we made the right decision.  

We coped;  we did what we had to;  we persevered;  we believed.  God gave us the strength we needed and we thank Him for faithfully guiding us through these rough waters.

So in reflection, 2017 was a little tumultuous but sometimes it is good to have to fight a few battles to know and appreciate the rewards at the end of journey.

We are now settled into our new life here in Kawerau and the Eastern Bay of Plenty.  We do so love our house that we fell in love with from first sight.  I am finally feeling content in my job back in Whakatane.    We have slowly started getting to know our new community and have made some wonderful friends here locally.  

We won the race of change.  We got there in the end.  Maybe the Balance was only meant to come to us at the end of the year …. so in hindsight and on reflection Balance was the perfect word for the year.

And so we hurtled full steam into 2018 I embrace the gift of seeing one year out and another new year in.  I am hopeful that it will be an easier year for us.  So here is to 2018!  Bring it on!  I am ready for you. And as usual I have a new word for the new year - Sparkle.

…. but more of this is another post ……

MY SAD BLOG

Oh dear, what happened ..... Just about nothing on my blog for last year??  So sad to think how busy my life was that I just did not have time to even write on my blog page.....

OK - so let's try this again.  Let me make a concerted effort to get my blog back up and running again this year.  Let me try to keep my journal of Scribbles up to date this year.  Let me keep sharing my craft projects this year ....

Try - I guess that is all I can promise at this stage.  But try I will!